The Old Lady

Guys…I’m old. Seriously. I’m old. I always use to joke that I acted like an old lady. Or that because of IBD, arthritis, etc. my body is really 76 years old. But last night as I sat in the hotel lobby of one of the cutest, loudest, most millennial hotel lobby I’ve ever been in, I realized that I am old AF.

So, I’m back in Chicago with Ergobaby to talk about baby wearing, doing some demos, meeting moms! You know how I do! Love these events. It helps me connect with other moms with and without IBD who have questions about baby wearing and post partum life. Because it was such a short trip and I’ve been living through a erythema nodosum flare up (yes, y’all my legs look like a red spotted leopard. Just call me Lisa Leopard), I didn’t want to have to walk or travel far to get to the venue. So I’m staying downtown at the closest and most reasonable place I could find in the area. With the j-pouch, I also have to make sure that it also has food available late at night and throughout the day. I found this place. They prided themselves on being efficient and convenient. They have a 24 hour restaurant and market place. Plenty of seating in the lobby. Small but comfortable rooms. And it’s in the heart of downtown, 10 minutes from my venue. So I was like, YES! Let’s book it!

What I didn’t realize is that as a mother of 35 with a few chronic condition, I have become a full fledged adult who expects certain things at certain times. For instance, when I check into a hotel, I expect the check in to not be at a bar where I have to maneuver my bags around drunk young people. I expect a 24 hour restaurant in a hotel to have more items on their menu than just tacos and canned cocktails. At some point the music should be lowered to a reasonable sound so that your patrons can sleep well. I’d also love to have a proper bathroom without the shower & sink in the room with me so that my whole room smells like water every time I enter. I’d love a chair to sit in that has a cushion. Clearly this hotel isn’t gonna make it!

But then I look around and I find that the hotel is packed! With young, vibrant, healthy folks who love the drinks to be sweet and cheap, their music loud and overwhelming and a distraction with a screen at every table. Apparently tacos all day, everyday is the stuff that dreams are made of. Every section of this lobby was made for a selfie Who needs a proper bathroom?? Well, me! LOL! But I realize I am out of place. I have stepped into this den of instagraming millennials with their $85 worn looking converse and the midlife crisis work tripping AARP members who love them. I do not belong here because this is not a place for moms who love not having to make the bed or make other people dinner for one day. This place is not bad, it’s just bad for me. I need all the comforts, bells and whistles. Why? Because I’m old and I deserve it. I’ve paid my dues to have maid service while I’m away from home. After a long day of standing on my feet talking about breastfeeding and colic, I’d like to have a glass of wine without the bass rattling my brain. I’m old and I need to be with all the other old people with deadlines and parent teacher conferences. I’ve invaded their domain and I must evacuate soon to the nearest Conrad hotel!