So my kid comes up to me randomly, gives me an embrace and then grabs my face and says, “Mommy, I’m so happy!” to which I say, “You are? I’m happy too!” And then he says, “Aww, I’m so happy Mommy. I wuv you. Can I have a donut?!” And there is the bomb!! Wow, he’s so happy with his life and me because there is a possibility that he could get a donut! I love it!
Raising kids creates a whole new world of hilarity, frustration, fear, joy, confusion, peace and love that you couldn’t even imagine before you had children. These tiny little people demand so much out of you emotionally and physically without even lifting a finger. Starting from the very first day. My son was about three hours old when I finally got to hold him and my whole life shifted in the very moment the nurse placed him in my arms. He was my whole world. I mean I thought I had that mothering sense, that new shift in me when I was pregnant, but apparently my life wasn’t done changing. I’ve never been so in love with anyone or anything in my whole. I’ve never been so connected to anyone or anything next to my mother in my whole life. Holding him that night made me feel scared, joyful, protective, confused, loved, loving and a thousand other emotions all at once. And he was only three hours old and over 8lbs., but he had a complete hold over my whole life. My life became about Jax as soon as his eyes locked on mine.
Actually it was about 6 days later that I had that, “I’m you’re mother” moment with him. Steven had walked out to go check on the laundry and I just finished burping Jax. It was very quiet in the house. The lights were low and the sun was setting behind me. Jax made a noise and I brought him down from my shoulder to look at him. His eyes locked with mine and I realized that I was his mother. I mean he had been alive for almost a week and I knew logically that I had just given birth to him and he was our son. But it had been such a whirlwind and I was feeling more like a milking cow than a parent. But at that very moment in the stillness of the evening, it was just us. Jax and me, looking at one another, in our home and a warmth took over and I began to cry from the greatest amount of joy I’ve ever felt in my life. My whole life led up to this moment. This is who I was supposed to be. This is what I was supposed to do. I was meant to be this little boy’s mother. And here he was. A healthy, beautiful blessing. Steven walked in finding me crying over our son and is like, “is something wrong? What happened, Babe? Are you okay???” And all I could say was, “I’m his mother” with a smile. He smiles back at me with complete understanding in his eyes, kisses me on the forehead and says, “I know.” This little 8 pound bruiser of a baby had two grown people in a complete frenzy of emotion every time he opened his eyes. It’s crazy! You can only imagine what it feels like before you have kids, and when it happens you realize that you weren’t even close to understanding what it really feels like to love your children.
Now here we are two and half years later and my son still brings us to our knees in love and laughter with his little sayings and how amazing he is as a little person. When you first become pregnant there is so much information to take in. There is so much fear in your heart of failing as a parent while you’re pregnant. Then they are born and your fears are magnetized! I mean seriously, with every word that comes out of my mouth I feel like I might be doing something wrong. But then he does something or says something amazing and I realize that I may have done something right along the way.
This truly is the hardest job I’ve ever had. But it’s the most rewarding and fun job I’ve ever had! People without kids always wonder why parents always talk about their kids so much and why they want to show pictures, etc. Well, it’s pretty simple, being a parent is the most fulfilling job ever. Having kids…raising kids is amazing. These little people are so interesting. Looking at the world through their eyes makes you believe in peace and love. I see the beauty in the things more. I feel more creative and love art more now that I am a parent. A single childless person my think that my life is closed off because I may not be physically available at the last minute to have a drink or see the latest movie. Some people have actually said they feel sorry for me because I can’t go out! LOL! Being a parent has actually opened up my world and exposed me to new things. Being a parent has made me fearless about taking chances and fulfilling dreams. He forces creativity out of me in everything and challenges me to learn more in every way.
Alright, typed a little more than I wanted to. But when you’re talking about something that brings you joy, I guess it’s easy to go on a long tangent. But I better stop now because I really need to get on a donut hunt! Peace & Blessings to all you mommies & daddies out there! xo