If I am totally honest, most of the time it isn’t so bad living with a very small amount of guts and a modified lifestyle. I’ve gotten use to it. I’ve made great friends. My life, my work…it’s all okay.
But then some days, it really sucks. I mean, bottom of the barrel sucks. Sucks, like I hate every single healthy, able bodied person who complains about a freaking cold, sucks. The kind of day I have no empathy or patience for anything. Especially not when the pain pill that is taking too long to work. Those are the days I have no control and I remember what I’ve lost because of IBD. Those days I scream. Those days I cry. Those days I feel trapped and claustrophobic. Trapped in my body. Trapped in my disease. Those days, freaking suck! They all seem like the worst day ever. You can’t sleep. You can’t catch up on work. You’re a snappy, crazy, terribly unorganized, scattered, pain in the ass mom. Who just wants to lay down but can’t because there are a bunch of things that need to get done. Things you have absolutely no energy for. And this is why, you suck and have failed at life.
Then you go to bed. You wake up the next morning, and life with IBD is livable again. It just ain’t bad. Dare you admit that you are happy with your life? You’re happy to be alive and not in the hospital. And you look back at the day before and you simply say, “Well, somedays it just sucks. But today doesn’t suck. And that’s awesome!”
I guess what I’m trying to say is, that it’s okay to be happy while being chronically ill. And it’s okay to be mad while being chronically ill. And it’s definitely okay to just be sitting in survival mode while being chronically ill. Basically…its okay to be human while being chronically ill! xoxo