If there’s one thing I learned about raising a toddler, is that outside of joy and glee, you tend to stay in a state of embarrassment. I believe that toddlers find it secretly amusing to make their parents turn the shade of red they turn when they shout out that they’ve just pooped in a restaurant full of people. Or they way you fall over yourself trying to prevent them from eating out of your friend’s cat’s bowl. The sound of the high pitch “NOOOO!!” you scream when they coming running out of their room naked with your purse, a cowboy hat and their yo gabba gabba vans on their feet to greet your dinner guests! Embarrassment! Usually everyday they find a way to top themselves too! Seriously! I feel like my kid is in competition with himself on how he can embarrass me the most in front of people!
Over the past year we’ve gone past the farting in someone’s face, spraying someone while they change him, pull my shirt down and expose me to the masses. We’ve raised the bar with such doozies as going to eat Sushi in his doctor’s costume & Brobee knit cap. Announcing to that same restaurant that he just pooped in the potty. There has been the barking at people passing him by while he rides on his bike. Or the dropping his spoon of ice cream and yelling out, “OH SH*T!! I drop it! F**K!” And lets not forget him licking my friend like he was a puppy! However last night……oh last night! I think last night takes the cake! You see it wasn’t just embarrassing. It was also correct in context! Funny! Confusing! And to be honest, I didn’t know if I scold him, laugh at him, change the subject or run away screaming!
So lately Hippo has been obsessed with babies. He’s starting to understand that he is no longer a baby, but a big boy and with all the small babies around him, he has just become obsessed. He tells me babies poop in diaper and big boys poop in potty. Babies have bottle, big boys eat coffee… I know, I know, don’t ask! Okay, so you get it. He knows the difference between big boys and babies. And now because he’s around all these new babies, he will sometimes like to say he is a baby. He’ll crawl into my lap, create this little whiny voice, inform me he is a baby and then start doing this cry that sounds more like a meow while asking for a bottle. Last night was no different. He crawled into my lap, I rocked him and he did his little baby act. Then I put him to bed. After asking God to bless Mommy, Daddy, UmMa, BamBam and Daddy’s Car he crawled into bed.
About 20 minutes later the bedtime stall song and dance began. “Mommy, I water pee-shh!” Mommy I poop!” “Mommy I watch George?” “Mommy, finger!” Then came the mama-jama of them all. He comes out again and comes over like a baby. And in his baby voice he tells me he’s hungry. I start laughing and say, “You’re hungry? Now you’re hungry?” He says, “Yea. I hungry, mommy…” and then he gives me a solution to curb his baby hunger…wait for it…wait for it… “…I some boobie. I hungry.” My sister and brother were with me sitting on the couch and it seems like the needle scratched on the record and time moved incredibly slow as we all looked at the toddler who couldn’t have just said what I think he said.
“What did you say?” I could hear myself say. “I hungry. Some Boobie, pee-ssh?” Yes, yes, you read that right! My two-year old son who is the first-born, only child who hasn’t been breastfed in over 16 months informed me that he was a baby who needed to be fed from and I quote, “Some Boobie”… Some…BOOBIE!! First thought is, why and how does he know what a BOOBIE is?!? You’re probably wondering why does my 2-year-old who is the first-born and only child associate breasts with a infant’s nutrition. Well I’m come from a household where parents answered questions with an age appropriate honest answer. So I’ve continued that tradition with my son. A non answer or confusion can lead to frustration. So I’ve always tried to answer questions and make things clear. And when he saw some pictures of me breastfeeding him and asked what was Baby Jaxon doing, I tried to answer as best I could. I told him that little little babies get milk from their mommy’s breasts and baby bottles. Then when they get bigger they start eating regular food. So I’m guessing that he understand all that I said because last night, while he was pretending he was a baby he figured he could stall going to sleep by pretending to be hungry and eating some boobie!! I honestly blacked out after that and mumbled something about, “No you can’t! Go to bed, Jax!”
That definitely tops it!! I think he embarrassed me in front of MYself! HAHAHAHA!!! I’m still shell-shocked! I think it also sterilized my brother and sister! They were still reeling by some of the “WHY” questions he had asked earlier that day. I remember my mom saying that she hadn’t laughed as much and prayed as much as she did until she started having children! Well, Mother, I co-sign!