Happy Valentine’s Day To Me

This year was a different kind of Valentine’s Day. For the first time I was without some sort of date, card or flowers. Well, actually I did get a couple of nice Happy Valentine’s Day messages from some special folk, haha! But for the most part it was quiet. It’s my first Valentine in three years without Steven, being in love and no card from my little munchkin Jax. It wasn’t like a sad, eat a bunch of ice cream and drown in tears type of day, either. But my perspective on Valentine’s Day completely changed.

Before I met Steven, Valentine’s Day was for me as it is for most women. A day to expect a nice dinner, frivolous thoughtless gifts, and a perfunctory bunch of flowers and romantic cards from someone you like a little more than the other guys you talk to. But then three years ago I had my first Valentine’s Day as someone really in love with someone and it kind of made all those Valentine’s Day that happened before seem trivial and mute. Spending Valentine’s Day in love with the one you love just doesn’t compare to anything else. Then when you expand on that by adding a baby in there, it just adds an element of romance you can’t compare. This year I am single and dating and enjoying liking and being free. But spending Valentine’s Day fawning over someone I am in like with just didn’t seem like a top priority. Does it sound ridiculous to not want to spend another Valentine’s Day in like, but in love? I mean it just seems like you’re going backwards. Why do something half assed, when you know how great it can be on the other side? It almost seems like a waste of money on one day.

So how did I spend my Valentine’s Day? I spent it with my family. My small little family of Jax and BamBam. I got cards and candy for my siblings from Jax. Spoke with Jax about Valentine’s Day, had family dinner with my mom and brothers. Did a little decorating with a blue heart-shaped place mat for Jax and cards and heart-shaped candy for Jax. Then we snuggled and watched The Charlie Brown Valentine’s Day special, shared laughed and popcorn!

Now I’m not trying to sound like a sappy old maid, I did go out and have some adult time. My younger brothers of Jake&Papa had a show celebrating the release of their mixtape “Somethin’ Soulful” in Los Angeles at The Mint. So I pulled out my sexy shoes, Kai Fragrance, greased up my legs and enjoyed the evening laughing with girlfriends and watching my brother put on one of their best performances. A night of music, wine, sexy texts and harmless flirting made my first Valentine’s Day as a single mom peaceful and fun. A stark difference from last year. Last year was a day of being driven around in a chauffeured car to get my nails done, an amazing massage, an amazing dinner of foie gras, scallops, champagne and chocolates gifted to me because I had been a good mother & partner. We shared dreams and hopes for the future, practiced our characters, “Retired Steven” & “Retired Brooke”. Then we went home, made love, cuddled and woke up the next morning to a happy smiling baby we shared Kolaches & donuts with while we watched a new episode of Olivia together as a family. How could a date out based on the need to have one for the simple fact it was Valentine’s Day compare to sharing love and a family with a partner? How can it compare to giving a piece of yourself, sharing love and showing your appreciation to this person on this day as much as you do or should on any other day? It doesn’t. So, I’m holding out on Valentine’s until cupid pricks me on the tushy again! Could be next year, could be the year after next. Until then, Jax and I will continue our tradition of wonderfully home cooked dinners, popcorn & heart shaped candies, warm milkies and laughing at Charlie Brown’s Valentine’s Day misery!

Not to say that I will turn down a dinner or drinks on this day… but until the words I Love You cross my lips and fall on another man’s ears, you probably won’t catch my house decorated in candles, flowers & hearts from the Martha Stewarts Arts & Crafts kits. Next time I celebrate Valentine’s Day, I’m looking forward to enjoying it with my mate. I guess I’m in a place where it’s time for some substance. I’d like things to mean things and go places and be something real. Is that too much? I don’t know. It’s like all of a sudden I’m standing and looking at 30 with a child holding my hand and realizing that there are things I want out of life and it’s time to start living for those things. I feel like it’s time to start dating for love. I’m kind too old to keep window shopping, don’t you think?